This letter was written by a person incarcerated at CIW (California Institution for Women).
In the beginning of the pandemic like all of America, CIW, did not know how to handle the situation. When the first stay at home order was directed to the state of California, we were locked in our cells with our roommate with no social distance available since our cells are extremely small.
The lockdown was chaotic. The officers did not have a plan, and if they did, it wasn’t communicated to us. Leaving me with a million questions and concerns, all were left unanswered.
It truly was and still is a difficult time. Not only did I have to endure being locked in my cell, but I had to mentally hold it together as I thought about my family and friends; wondering if they were okay.
I felt hopeless, anxious, and really scared. There was absolutely no movement, meaning no phone calls, no dayroom or recreational time. With a staff member testing positive our quarantine time was extended, I was tested for COVID-19, no kidding at least 10 times in a month; Every time waiting for the results I had high anxiety.
Locked in a small cell, with no fresh air, no good drinking water, no sun. Just here sitting in a box dwelling on everything that is happening around me. Half of my peers testing positive it was sad and truly scary.
It was and is truly hard. What was though and still is, is taking the measly 20 minutes they give us to take a shower, use the phone, clean your cell and check your kiosk. It is hard trying to do all those things within 20 minutes, which usually we are rushed and never quite are able to make use of the full 20 minutes.
Another major problem during this quarantine is the water. The water coming out of my sink tastes dreadful, I can taste the chlorine with a twist of rust in the water and that’s all the water we get.
Truly, I do not feel safe. The chemicals we get to clean our cells are highly diluted. They do not offer soap for those who need it and there is no social distance at all. Showering is scary.
There is about 118 women that share the same showers, with no time in between to air out any germs flying around. It’s just unsanitary especially during these times. The worst part of all this time being quarantined was being looked down by some of the officers, getting treated like if we were contagious. I felt alienated.
Throughout the 10 times I was tested I never was told whether I tested positive or negative, yet they kept me locked in. I was starting to loose my mind after 20 something days I was feeling depressed. One day as I’m still confined to my room a sergeant lets me out of my cell, asks me to disinfect a room in which a patient that was COVID positive had just moved out of. That’s when I realized that my life did not matter to them.
I mean I didn’t mind helping out, yet the whole time I had tested negative and they denied me any fresh air treating me as if I was sick, but to their convenience They let me out to sanitize and clean a room. I was in shock. It’s to their benefit, they will risk our lives to save theirs.
To this day I can’t believe how the system works. How I cope with this current pandemic, well, I tell myself that there’s people who have it worse than me. It’s a sad time in our world and I’m not alone in this. Exercising and my faith has helped me get through this and the hope in science in search for a vaccine to put an end to this virus.
Thank you for hearing my experience, and although it has been a lonely one and a scary one, I know many are going through it. I hope and pray all this will be over soon.
UCI Students:
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts. It feels good to know that someone does care and although we are the population that no one really talks about we are in constant risk of being so confined close to one another. Thank you for your time and your good belief in us.
