This letter was written by a person incarcerated at Solano.
Mid-March while working at my job, I was told to return back to the building I am housed in. The entire yard was recalled. I was told by my boss that when we would come back was uncertain.
“Uncertain” was the word I lived with in the past year. With that word, for me, came fear. Like myself, those around me also expressed their anxiety with this “uncertainty” in their own unique way. My own fear was related to a multitude of thoughts that began to flow through my mind.
At one point, I thought “Was this the implosion and revival of a new world?” These thoughts were fleeting at best but nonetheless they were present. When the visit I had scheduled for the weekend was cancelled, it hit home for me.
I began to wonder when I would see my friends and family again. That visit room was where our connections came alive. In the visit room was where I genuinely felt joy and also the despair and pain of watching those I love leave. For me, that was a unique experience that I cherish, one of both pleasantness and unpleasantness.
As time went by, I did my best to stay productive. I formed bonds with people that I never had before. Our relationship blossomed and I felt such gratitude for the support of my peers. Whether they knew it or not, they were crucial elements to me walking through the pandemic with optimism.
Relationship is something I have always valued. During the pandemic, it became more prominent than ever. With the time and choice to watch television more each day, I watched as the world I lived in began to fall apart at the seams. I began to ponder if this was only occurring in the media that I saw.
I began to conversate with friends and family from outside the walls, and they told me a similar story. Fear was alive in so many people and the inability to sit with the fear was demonstrated by people’s choices and actions. It pained me to see the hate, greed, and ignorance that was boiling in our society.
This is not to say that I did not see the counter products of each of these as well. I saw moments of kindness, generosity, and wisdom. They were few on the media but they were present.
