This letter was written by a person incarcerated at Mule Creek.
PrisonPandemic,
Thank you for your heartfelt encouragement and expression of concern for my and fellow rehabilitating men’s (I don’t use inmate, convict, or criminal, because that’s not what I am) wellbeing – spiritually, physically and mentally.
I am willing to send you many stories touching every aspect of this pandemic, and the effect it has had on us on multiple levels. I feel it necessary that a little piece of history be put aside for my friend, we’ll call him [redacted].
Like most of us, has spent the majority of his life in and out of the system. He answers his prison term as an active gang member with no regard or consideration for human life that of his family. And quite frankly, I doubt he cared much about his own.
Is one of those guys that regardless of how bad the situation may get, he finds a reason to laugh at what life is throwing his way. Even if his humor is a little dark.
Some point during prison term, he decided he was tired of living a life of chaos, anger and traveling, along a truly self-destructive path. He eventually dropped out of the gang life and moved to prison where he can safely, as safe as prison can, do his time and focus on his rehabilitation, and learning to become a man who gives to his community and gives up taking from it. This is where I met [redacted].
I too, have chosen a life of peace over war, giving instead of taking, and growing rather than destroying. [Redacted], shows the worst of men, the best they have to offer. Far from perfect, he turned to self- help groups as a means to teach, learn and mentor men who have never had another person simply say “I believe in you,” and truly mean it.
I’ve spent days, months, listening to his stories and gaining insight into why my thought process into one fully driven to change in a positive way. And encourage everyone I come in contact with, to strive to do the same.
I’m thankful for my new life’s sight and owe a lot of it to [redacted]. In spring of 2020, [redacted] got sick. Just a cold, or so he thought. Because of an upcoming visit he refused to see the doctor. [Redacted] became COVID case number one in my yard.
Due to the week he spent shaking it off, an explosion of COVID went off at my facility. Every two days I seen guys I had spoken to disappear to the unknown lands of quarantine places. Months passed and [redacted], never came back. Someone spread a rumor he had died.
At first, my heart hurt but my gut wouldn’t let me believe it. It was a lie. Late October 2020, like a genie popping out of a lamp, [redacted], is standing at my door with his normal crooked smile and asked, “did ya miss me bruh?” All I could do was laugh and shake my head.
[Redacted], continued on in our building with his everyday shenanigans, but doing everything he could keep me focused and positive. At this point, I haven’t seen my family in over eight months, and cabin fever was seriously starting to set in. [Redacted], refuses to let me revert back to my old ways just because I’m tired, lonely, and frustrated at the feeling that isolation and zero contact with loved ones is going to be my, our, new normal.
In January [redacted] gets called into the case counselor’s office, and they tell him that due to COVID scores, laws changing, and a whole lot of crazy, but beneficial circumstances, he’s going home. I remember the tears of joy in his eyes when he spoke on how he’d finally get to be with his wife who stood by him for every day of 16 years. And finally, gets to play with his grandchildren.
I used to joke with him that he has to be the world’s oldest young grandpa. In a few weeks my friend, and reason why I decided my life is more worth than what I’ve made it, walked out the prison gates after 16 plus years of struggling, surviving, and preserving. Finally, his beautiful wife and children could rejoice and rebuild a life they all dreamed about for 16 long, painful years. Full of sacrifice, and forced blind faith.
One month later, [redacted], died. His body suffered from prolonged effects of COVID exposure, and compounded with other underlying health issues, just gave out. As I sit here write you, my heart flutters in pain because COVID robbed the world of my friend. COVID has taken four people from my family, and still my time here is the only guarantee in my life.
COVID has turned many men’s sentences from a five, ten, or 20 year term into a instant death sentence. No judge, nor jury, no trial. Just death row for men who otherwise would be finished paying their debt to society in months or years, or in [redacted] case, already paid.
Only to be condemned by a courtroom full of microscopic executioners. Being in prison through this pandemic has given me worse anxiety, hopelessness, and PTSD, than any act of violence I ever experienced on the street, or in my 20 years as a gangster.
The scariest part is that the people charged with keeping us safe from this invisible death just don’t care. [Redacted], left me with a truly dark outlook on how cruel the world can be, but he’s also my inspiration to live and love everyone closest to you. So genuinely and completely every single day, because tomorrow is not promised.
I now spend every waking hour working to become free again, and in the fastest time humanly possible, because I’m afraid of facing another year like we just had.
In a place where my life is only viewed as a prison number and patient file. Life is too short, spend it loving every human being you come in contact with, because they may very well be the last person you share a moment of gift of life with. Rest in peace [redacted] 2021.
Feel free to redact or revise my letter. Like I said, there are many many experiences I would be more than willing to share with you. Let me know if this is of any interest to you or those my words may benefit. Be safe and may the creator protect you all, and send you many blessings.
