This letter was written by a person incarcerated at Tehachapi.
This is my story.
I was born in East Los Angeles, California. My mother was staying in El Cerrito the time with my biological father and his sister and his sister’s family. A year after, my mom, who previously had two boys with my father, moved to Hollywood, California. My father and mother, they were born and grew up in El Salvador in Central America. They grew up in poverty in a small town known as “colonies”. In San Miguel, there’s a colony named La Precita and that is where my mom grew up.
In the 80s, El Salvador was in a civil war with rebels and the government. The U.S. was involved and so with the Salvadoran military recruiting fifth grade males at their schools, my dad came up with a solution to evade them.
Meanwhile, my mother was growing up in a house with six sisters and one boy, where my mom endured abuse from her mother. So my mom and dad were friends at school and so my mom and dad liked each other. And my dad’s sister had already came to the United States. So my dad proposed to my mom and asked her if she wanted to come with him to escape to the United States of America. She said yes to the proposal and coming to the U.S.A. One night, my mom got all of her belongings, packed it, and she left with my dad. My dad’s sister set it all up and payed for it all. She (my mom) and my dad went to Mexico first. They stayed in Mexico for about a year.
Traveling from South of Mexico all the way to California was timely and costly. I don’t know what happened from the time they were in Mexico to the time they got to the States, but I do know that my Dad made love to my mom, and my eldest brother was born in Mexico. The year after that, my parents and son made it to California. And in 1984, my second brother was born.
They were living in East LA in El Cerritos since then. Then my dad became adapted to the American way of life or the fast life. He started going to the pool shack, the bar, gambling, drinking, smoking, going away for days, weeks, without being home with my mother. Then, in 1990, I was born. After I was born, my dad had an affair with some Caucasian barfly and had a kid in 1992. Before she was born, during the pregnancy, my mom found out, kicked my dad out, and divorced him.
My dad had a problem with some dude who also liked that Caucasian barfly and so my dad ran him over with his 90s Mustang, went on the run and eventually got arrested and convicted of assault. And got 15 years and sent to prison. When I was born, my dad was not around. I grew up with my two brothers and my mom. I never met my father. My mom cut off all communication with my father. She even stopped taking us to our aunt’s house. My aunt ended up moving to San Gabriel Valley.
My mom did her best and put us in school. I was a problem child, I kept getting in trouble in elementary, all the way up to fifth grade. I went to school, got kicked out. So in fifth, I was doing good and started getting in trouble and finally I graduated. I was pretty intelligent, just kept getting in trouble.
Then around, I was like six or seven years old and my mom found a boyfriend. And they’ve been together ever since. He helped my mom raise me. He’s like my real dad. I went to a middle school, sixth, seventh, eighth grade. Graduated. I was getting in trouble, but not frequently. I was playing sports more often and I had a lot of competitive friends. But I got in trouble here and there. My mom put me in sports, so I used to go to the park and play football, baseball, and basketball.
When I got to high school, I was playing football for the school through ninth, 10th, and 11th grade. In my 10th grade year I joined my neighborhood gang. That’s when I started to get in trouble all over again, this time for fighting, vandalism, graffiti, and ditching. I started smoking weed, drinking constantly, everyday. I had smoked weed and drank in middle school but like once a week. In high school, I was doing it everyday. I started doing crystal meth, tried heroin, did cocaine and smoked crack in blunts laced with weed. I started to not give a fuck about everything and anything.
So in 11th grade, I was maintaining my C average, but still doing everything I was doing. I was juggling everything. Football, school, drugs, gangbanging. When I would finish the school day, I would go home, drop off my stuff, and go to the streets and gangbang with my homies. So once, I was at school, got into a melee and rumble, so I got caught and kicked out of my home school. My behavior continued and two months into going there, one day after school me and my “homies” went to go gangbang and we did all kinds of stuff. We beat some enemy up, we tagged business and went into stores and demanded all their money all in one action.
Anyhow, they called the cops and we continued on this rampage of destruction and annihilation. So we notice they called the cops, and we all ran our separate ways. And for reasons I don’t know why, the police followed me. And I ran. They finally arrested me. They didn’t catch anyone but me out of eight people! So I went to juvenile hall in 2007. I was in for two months and got let out on house arrest for three months. In those three months, I went back to my home school. The three months I was out, I did good at school.
Then a week that I was off for house arrest, I did all kinds of stupid stuff and I went to juvie for two months. And I get sent to juvenile probation camp for six months. I was there and still got in trouble for the same things – fighting, smoking weed, disregarding the laws and authority. I was in from 2007 and got released in 2008! I went to a continuation in West Hollywood, got enough credits and graduated high school in ’08, this time on stage!
I had a job at Target working as stock on the sales floor. I got fired because I was tardy a lot. I was tardy because I used to stay out late to like 2 or 3 in the morning, smoking weed or doing crystal meth or drinking. And I had to go to work at 6 a.m. So I was irresponsible and I didn’t care. I continued to hang out with my homies, doing stupid stuff, gangbanging. And in 2009, I got shot in my face and my jaw by rival gang members. Then in March, I got arrested for attempted murder.
I went and retaliated against those that shot me. So I was in the county jail all the way until 2011. I got sentenced to 19 years. I got convicted in 2010.
After sentencing, in 2011, I was sent and arrived to prison reception center in Wasco State Prison. April, I was sent to High Desert State Prison. I was there until 2012. In March, there was a riot between Mexicans (all Hispanics) and Blacks. So we were on lockdown. They searched my section, all cells, and I had a weapon and went to the Hole. They sent me to SHU or Security Housing Unit in Tehachapi State Prison.
I was there from 2013 to 2016 where I got transferred to Calipatria State Prison. Then in 2016 I went to the Hole and served another SHU term in solitary confinement until July 2017. I got transferred to Salinas Valley State Prison. I was there until December 2019. I was there in A yard ever since.
OK, so here’s my perspective on this coronavirus and how it can be like the flu. That it originated in China and that it has spread to Europe and Italy.
I remember watching the news and seeing it, they were saying that this is a plague from China. Then thousands were dying and I remember thinking at that time, like around March or April, that this was an end time prophecy like it says in Revelations. And then it just got worse and worse.
In prison, they didn’t start passing out masks until June and July. They made these facemasks out of thick cloth. Then around April they shut down our prison yard. And due to COVID there would be no yard or movement. How about kitchen workers or porters? How are they going to do the daily activities like clean, go to medical? And how about our groups like self-help and church services? So they all got shut down until they could figure out what to do. Prison officials started letting people go to work only if you are a critical worker. Medical was one at a time and if it wasn’t an emergency, they were not calling you.
Then around July they tested all of us to see who had coronavirus. Staff were required to wear masks. And some correction officers were careless and they didn’t. And so people and inmates started to get COVID-19. Inmates were symptomatic. They were moving them. So they were giving us yard one block at a time. We went from getting yard everyday to once every four days. Big difference. People complained, people agreed, and I didn’t like it. But if you wanted to be safe, you could stay in your cell. But anyway, that’s how it happened.
We were wearing masks and the prison implemented rules of social distancing and posted up memos and put videos about how to stay safe and healthy. I think it was cool and ethically and morally correct. But a lot of inmates didn’t care or they don’t follow the protocol. And inmates think, we don’t have it, so why should we be doing this social distancing?
But in August and September, it was getting worse. More people were getting sick. And they tested all of us again and some people were positive and weren’t sick and some that were sick tested negative. So inmates were thinking: How sure are these test things? And people who were sick, who knows what they gave them to get better? I think they just quarantined them for 14 days and gave them Tylenol and Motrin and told them to drink a lot of water. They also did temperature checks and vitals. Inmates were quarantined in their cells anyways. At yard, they took away the basketballs and handballs, so we just go out there and walk around. October was the same. We are just in the cells all day.
In November, I got transferred. Before you get transferred, you have to get tested for COVID-19 and test negative. I did. Since we arrived here, we have to quarantine for 14 days. Then they’ll move you to a housing unit. So here you have to keep your distance from the people that have COVID-19 because that’s where everyone who has COVID-19 is at.
It’s kind of dumb because people who have it are using the same things in the building as far as the showers, the phones, the tables, food trays, etc. There are other inmates that are infected and sick. They just don’t say anything because they don’t want to get quarantined for 14 days. They still wear masks and stuff but they’re sick.
There are symptomatic and asymptomatic. But you as an individual have to protect yourself and go to great lengths to do it. For example, people still shake hands and hug and share drinks. And as an individual, you have to avoid that, wash your hands effectively and frequently. People are also sharing needles to do their drugs. People don’t social distance. Here to get your breakfast, they open your door and it’s a lot of people. You line up and get a tray they recently switched to paper trays and they serve you the food and move along. Everyone is wearing their masks, gloves, and hair nets.
The ones servings are inmates. Just recently, in December, they shutdown one program again because too many people had COVID-19. Some staff had it, and asymptomatically passed it to the inmates. So they tested all the inmates and some have it and they were sent to one block. After, they started to do temperature checks twice a day. So for those who take medicines, they open their cell door and walk to the medical facility across the yard, outside towards the patio area.
The staff (like free staff, nurses, doctors, etc.) distribute the meds one inmate at a time, one building at a time. Anyhow I wanted to say that around the time the pandemic was in full swing like mid March, early April, the Department of Corrections shut down all visitation, made cloth coverings and passed them out to inmates. That didn’t prevent the virus from entering the prison population.
Well, as of today, here where I’m at, it’s terrible. It’s like living in a horror movie or horror nightmare. Everyone is sick, COVID or not. In the ventilation systems, all you hear is coughing, spitting, clearing throats, sneezing. And it’s the air we breathe that is recycled. And staff come in and know this, but corrections officers don’t care, don’t wear masks sometimes. And if I or any inmates tells them anything about wearing a mask, they go off on you and talk to you like you’re a piece of shit. And if you respond they put hands on you. A lot are like this. Some are cool.
Majority though like to put hands on you, put you on the ground, spray you with pepper spray and send you to the Hole all sprayed up. For real. Not joking. So we just let them be. We cannot win. We’re just concerned for our own safety, that’s all. Now here in this building is where they are quarantining and isolating people. And so, yes, they check our vitals and temperature twice a day, feed us twice a day. There are still people who are sick or tested positive for COVID-19, they’re still passing out the food to us.
Staff are supposed to do it but laziness and procrastination kicks in! Yes, the inmates wipe down all the items with disinfectant and the same dirty rag they’ve been using day after day. Yes, they use gloves (latex gloves) over and over! This is the thing. We want to use the payphones for 15 minutes. So they have a list and we sign up the day before. Now when we use the phone, no one wipes it, before or after.
Everyone uses the phones. Feel me?! So they shut down yard, dayroom, and they are allowing us to go to commissary and packages. But the system is outdated, the way they do things.
OK, so being in prison while all this pandemic stuff is going on and the Black Lives Matter movement and protests are going on and not being out there, I feel left out and feel like no one cares about us prisoners. This whole time probably maybe only once or three times have I heard the news talk about the pandemic, pandemic prisons, or California prisons. How and what are they doing to keep us from catching this disease?
But watching all these people dying in the free world and seeing the nurses and doctors doing their jobs to the extreme. I feel sad and hopeless. And I feel like I am being held back from helping all these people who are affected. I feel traumatized, too, because I see people on the news losing their loved ones and I’ve developed empathy and sympathy. And feeling the feelings for others. It gets me sad. And I pray a lot to Yahweh God and the Lord Jesus Christ to help us.
And so it feels like God is sparing me from having to deal with this pandemic. But I’m dealing with it a lesser form of it here in prison. And I have a family that are essential workers and are working now and I hope and pray that they don’t catch COVID-19.
This situation feels so surreal and I still cannot believe that this is going on. I protect myself here but I don’t know. Sometimes I think I am doing too much or not enough. But watching all these things on TV or on the news, I wish I could be out there, helping in some type of way. So when these things happen, I ask who is accountable for all these things?
Who’s right, who’s wrong? Why is this happening? Why are there people dying? Who is concerned about me and my life? I only have family: my mom, two brothers, and a stepdad. I wish I could have a female pen-pal to write to and get me through these times. I am open-minded to a lot of things. If you need help and I am able, I am willing.
But please write back to me so I can know you received this piece of mail and not that a correction officer threw it away. Because someone has stolen my mail before a drawing that I have sent to my family. It was gone. I am an artist, I draw, play guitar, sing, write lyrics!
OK, well, hopefully all is well with you guys and safe. Hope I didn’t overdo it. Feels like I could’ve wrote a book or movie. God bless you all and take care. All that I wrote is true.
