This letter was written by a person incarcerated at Chino.
My “why” is that I do not want to end up as the “human body” that CDCR is prolific at creating. COVID is just another challenge that has been thrown in my way. Its one of many obstacles that has appeared during my term of incarceration.
Old convicts know how to deal with violence, oppression, isolation, injustice, and everything else that comes with doing time. I have experienced these things myself and been offered decades worth of advice on how to cope with those issues. Yet, no one knows how to cope with a pandemic in prison.
I am setting my own course. I’ve seen tough-guy convicts turned into frightened children, I’ve seen soft guys begging their loved ones to find a lawyer that can reduce their already short sentence. People are losing their minds in here. They are becoming exactly what CDCR wants: a being, formed by the parameters set by CDCR. This is their course, not mine.
Since April I have finished five courses for my bachelor’s degree (paid for by my family), written two book reports for the parole board, did a correspondence class on connecting-the-dots of my life and crime, completed a self-help work book on anger management, and found a way to workout six days a week. I made the choice to see COVID as a challenge to work through.
Suffering builds character. I will suffer in order to change for the better. I refuse to come out of this the same person I was when I came in. I received visits every weekend prior to COVID. I miss my family and friends tremendously. But visits are not in the hand that I am currently dealt. Some guys have used this fact to become bitter and to act out in self-sabotaging ways; Violence and substance abuse are on steep inclines. The coping skills I use are different.
My desire to become a better person is greater than my desire to see my family and friends in a potentially dangerous environment. This doesn’t make me better than anybody, just different. I have a different “why” than 99 percent of the guys around me.
