This letter was written by a person incarcerated at Solano.
I decided to shift my energy elsewhere, because watching the news became an emotional rollercoaster ending mostly in anger. Anger arose from the thoughts I had of injustice, judgment of our political system, and thoughts of morals. For me, there was a lack of compassion, connection, empathy, recognition, support and community.
I diverted my energy to my personal life and my own personal relationships. This took the form of those I interacted with on a daily basis and the few phone calls I would make.
I was fortunate enough to have a support network who wished to share with me about their own experiences of COVID-19 pandemic and who were open to listening to my struggles. Yet, I still yearned to see their faces and not have to be limited by a 15-minute phone call.
Sure, I can always call back, but there will be a distaste for me to have to wait and call back. Many times, I would be in a passionate conversation only to hear, “You have 60 seconds left.” With that warning, I wanted to tie up the conversation as neatly as I can because I didn’t know when I will be able to call back.
Sometime it could be a few minutes but sometime it could be hours. The time in between drains the passion that was alive in that moment. To me, it will never be the same as an actual visit where those conversations can last hours.
For me, a conversation is more than the words spoken. It is the connection that is shared between the parties together. For myself, it is the body language displayed, the words, the tone, the gentle facial expressions, and even more the food that we share as a son, brother, cousin, partner, friends, and just as human beings.
